OAKLAND, CA - If there's one thing that the Oakland Raiders need, it's a world-record holding Olympic sprinter with no football experience to speak of. So good news, Raiders fans! Al Davis has just fulfilled that need with the signing of the fastest man alive, Usain Bolt.
“Bolt is everything we look for in an athlete,” said Davis, who turned 116-years-old at the beginning of July. “He's fast.”
Davis didn't mention anything about running routes, Bolt’s catching ability, or being able to run in non-straight lines when describing what Bolt would bring to the Raiders, but preferred to focus on one thing.
“He's fast,” repeated Davis.
We were later advised that Davis is suffering from Alzheimer’s and didn't realize that he had told us that Bolt, who ran the 100m dash in 9.58 seconds, was fast 57 times in the 10-minute interview.
Davis was able to recall when he started pursuing Bolt, saying that he watched his famous record-breaking run and saw that they put WR next to his time.
“As soon as I saw that his position was WR, I knew that he could help the Raiders get back to the Super Bowl,” said Davis. Davis thought that the WR meant “Wide Receiver” when it actually stands for “World Record.”
“I kept telling him that I had never played football before,” said Bolt, “but he just kept upping his offer until I couldn't refuse. He promised that I'd still able to run in next year's Olympics, so I'll give it a shot for $90 million.” The $90 million contract is stretched over three seasons and is fully guaranteed.
Raiders coach Hue Jackson didn't seem all that enthusiastic about the acquisition.
“Well, Al is right,” sighed Jackson. “He is fast.”
We asked Bolt if he was concerned about false starts with snap counts in the NFL after his recent disqualification from the World Championships in the 100m race due to a false start, and he seemed confused by the question.
“I am not sure what a snap count is,” said Bolt, “but I never make the same mistake twice, so I will make sure that I do not get disqualified from football for a false start.”
Bolt joins speedy players like wide receivers Jacoby Ford (4.28 sec 40-yard dash), Darius Heyward-Bey (4.25 sec 40-yard dash), and newly-acquired quarterback Terrelle Pryor (4.39 sec 40-yard dash).
“Our goal is to eliminate the football from our offense and just run faster than the other team,” said Jackson. “At this point, that's our best chance at success.”
With the four sprinters together, ESPN's Adam Schefter speculates that the Oakland Raiders are considering seceding from the NFL and potentially the United States in order to field a world-class track team in the upcoming Summer Olympics in 2012. The Raiders didn't confirm the rumor, but said that it sounded like a way better idea than what they had planned.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell declined to comment on the possibility of losing the Raiders from the league, but a smile came across his face as he pondered the idea.
For more stories like this one, head over to Alexander the Great Sports Blog.
No comments:
Post a Comment